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Big shoutout to whoever decided the ? and ! should be next to each other on an iPhone. That typo hasn’t made me look insane 10,000 times.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
If you don’t feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend… you’re not doing it right.
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
I’m awkward when people compliment me. “Nice hair” “Thanks, I grew it myself”
Do the people inside mascot costumes also smile when they have their photos taken?
You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some Midol.
They say money doesn`t bring you happiness.... I say....neither does being broke....
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.