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If I was a mortician I`d tie the shoe laces of dead people together, so if there ever was a zombie apocalypse it would be hilarious.
I am currently unsupervised ... I know, it freaks me out too. But the possibilities are endless!
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
I’m sick of closing out every job interview with “I was young. I needed the money.”
I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
"Of course you`re the prettiest girl here, you just need to talk louder" - alcohol
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
You know what would make this Vodka & cranberry better? The Bahamas.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
It`s amazing how much more money I have when I`m drunk.
I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.
I never think twice about helping others.In fact, I never think once about it.
Remember, life isn`t about accumulating stuff. It`s about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.