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Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
If my psychiatrist said "There`s really nothing more I can do for you", that means I`m cured right??
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you`ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward
This is supposed to be funny but I got nothing but do me a favour and like this...Yeah, okay, IM DESPERATE -.-
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.