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I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If I had a time machine, I would just keep going back to bed.
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
If I were invisible I`d go beat up a street mime...the applause he would get would be incredible
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
I had to explain the Goonies today... so I`m feeling super old and bitter.
Why do people post pictures of missing people on facebook?...like we are going outside.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I`m part of the other 3%.
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
We get it poets: things are like other things
Do good masochists go to heaven, or hell?
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I`ve ever read on a social networking site.
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.
I noticed you’re not yourself today. I really like it.