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What flavor is this Harlem Shake you speak of?
My boss just asked me why I wasn`t working.. ..i told em cuz I didn`t see him coming
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
Iām too young to be too old for everything.
So much to do and so few alibis.
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
Who did you vote for?? Clinton ? Trump ? Vodka
Kids today will never know the frustration of having to rewind their dads porn tapes to the exact same spot...
If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie? ... hmmm
Strange new trend at work. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich named Jennifer.
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.
Now tell me how old your baby is in hours.