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is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
Considering I`m broke, I wonder if she`ll let me be her sugar-free daddy.
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
Hey! Did any of you see my........ Oh ! Never mind... :D How much of you said that before? heee heee hee!
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
I go on dates just to remind myself that being single is awesome.
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
Why do we offer "a word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones that need the advice?
Seriously, You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can`t go in the kitchen alone anymore.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”