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Why do baby clothes have pockets?
When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
I can almost always tell when dinosaurs in movies aren’t real.
A person soon learns how little they know when a child begins to ask questions.
Thinking about staying in tonight? Nobody looks back in life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
Finally got my sh!t together... Now if I can just remember where I put it
I was wondering why my doctor gave me LSD for my constipation, then I saw a dragon and crapped myself.
Some people`s lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn`t.
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
Ain`t no sandwich when she`s gone.