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Dear children, when you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.
I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.
My email notification is a cricket sound that drives the wife crazy looking for the cricket. Winning!
A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
I want a doorbell that makes the sound of someone knocking on the door.
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
The fox says you need to stop.
I wish the guy who made the vacuum cord would chat with the guys that make phone chargers.
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
Apologising does not mean you are wrong and the other person is right, it just means you value your relationship more than your ego.
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night ... Especially as I walked there in the first place.
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
Facebook should make it to where it says, `Went from being in a relationship` to `Problem solved.`