Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I fell asleep on the couch last night & woke up thinking I was married.
Change is hard. Seriously have you ever tried to bite a nickel?
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?
I used to think using big words meant you were smart, I was somewhat right but that was before I heard politicians speak.
Of course I`m using OJ as a mixer, it`s flu season.
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
When your kids become teenagers, it`s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck`s closet.
Go ahead, post sober. Ruin everything.
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
Studies show that men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. Unless your wife finds out.
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!
Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.