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A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I`ll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.
Today please just pretend I wrote something hilarious, click like, and move on down the news feed.
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
My mother suggested that I get professional help... and that`s when I hired my first hooker.
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.
Robots can do anything we set their mind to
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.