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Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
Could you please put your screaming baby on vibrate.
It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
I love to start my day by getting on Facebook to see who is a whiny little bi!ch today.
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can`t remember the lyrics.
If you ever hear me say that I missed you it`s only because I have bad aim.
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
You pay more attention to the TV than you do me! - Ma`am, do you want me to fix your cable or not?
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
Happiness comes from within. That`s why it always feels so good to fart.
Played Naked Twister last night and man, did it get RAUNCHY!....I can`t imagine what it would be like with other people.