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My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about.
Ladies, if you are really good at blow jobs, you don’t have to pretend to like football.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
I watched my first silent movie the other day. The kids weren`t there.
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
The "I got your nose" game is fun to play with kids, but try it on the pharmacist at Target & she`ll call security.
High-five a veteran today.
On the bright side, it’s Friday Eve Eve Eve.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
you can´t drink all day if you don´t start in the morning
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
Odd how all the `intelligent life finding instruments` are pointed away from earth.
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.