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That`s not how I met your mother.
When ever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth and drink all the rum inside. It seems to help.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
Am I the only one that always puts my wallet back into my pocket before getting my change back?
Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
I`d have better people skills if I worked with better people.
I`m only materialistic when I shop at the liquor store.
I always hear people say that a dog is man`s best friend, but I don`t even have enemies who`ll look me dead in my face while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook.
When someone says "Happy New Years" I wonder, how many years are they talking about?
My dad use to take me to the circus to see the clowns, freakshows and the bearded lady. Now... I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.