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Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.
I am at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old with a permanent marker without a lid.
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
Even though I`m a guy I still get nervous when I pee on a pregnancy test.
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die.
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...
After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I`ve successfully installed Java. He hates me.
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.