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Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
Why is it that everyone you hate has such a better job than you?
Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
My inner self is in Photoshop
I grew up for this?
If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
When I`m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they`re safe
The "I got your nose" game is fun to play with kids, but try it on the pharmacist at Target & she`ll call security.
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
When a girl says: "If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best"... What she really means is: "I`m a f*ckin psycho."
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?