Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.
If you`re single and you know it hug your cat!
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
I miss being able to use the excuse "I wasn`t home when you called."
Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"
Interviewer: Have any weaknesses? Me: Bullets I: No, I mean… M: Knives I: I don’t think y… M: probably evil dragons I: … M: Focusing.
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here
If you’re telling me to relax, it’s probably your fault that I’m not.