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To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
Stovetop Directions: 1.) Use microwave.
If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.
Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
You are so selfish! You´re going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night!
Have you ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you´ve had?
How to cure a headache: 1. Drink a glass of water. 2. Take 10 deep breathes. 3. Give headache your credit card & tell her to go to the mall.
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
Babies are so cute because none of them are mine.
The wife and I just got divorced. We split the house ... I got the outside.
There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"