Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
My salad pic. got more likes than your selfie.
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
Days are short in December but spending them with family really stretches them out.
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
Remember ladies, if on your 10th selfie you don’t have the perfect one to post you’re really just ugly.
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can’t wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie. 5% - That was a complete waste of money. 85% - I gotta pee!!
I was going to get a lot of stuff done tonight, but I didn`t. Because, you know...beer.
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
Overheard at grocery: Paper or plastic, sir? Doesn’t matter. Im bisacksual.
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."