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Just remember the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your talent
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I`m sure you already know, have a great time!
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Red, Trees Are Red ... F*ck? my gardens on fire!
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
Man I love watching women`s curling in the Olympics. It`s the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.
If your conspiracy theory doesn`t involve cats and dogs, don`t bother me.
I always write `wake up` on my to-do-list so I can at least accomplish one thing a day