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My neck, My back, My Netflix and my snacks...
No I don`t think you`re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she’s not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!
Going on a dangerous assignment. If I don`t come back, can someone please tell my girlfriend that I always found her laugh really annoying. Thanks.
the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
Helpful tip #12: Never buy all the tools you need to kidnap, kill and bury someone from just one store.
Walking past a new employee`s desk & yelling, "Do you think it`s a good idea to be surfing porn on your first day?" will never get old.
I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept
Why do people say "nice to meet you" before I`ve even said anything? How do you know it`s nice to meet me? I`m an a$$hole.
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.