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It’s silly how we spend money on clothes when naked is free.
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
I removed my windshield wipers and now I don`t get parking tickets. Suck it meter maids!
Give a fish some bread and he`ll eat for a day. Teach a fish to be a flying piranha and he`ll eat for a lifetime.
The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to “Widowed”, it’s time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.
I think eating is my kind of sport.
Wife: Hi honey, did you miss me? Husband: With every bullet so far...
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: “Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken.”
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
Is Nudeism a religion?
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
It`s amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff.