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Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
Probably the most exciting feature on the new Iphone is the way it upgrades simple phone theft into full on finger removal.
When I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say,, “You’re in charge while I’m gone.”
Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that.
I`m glad it`s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
Christmas spirit? I`m proud to say I`ve got plenty of that. I`ve got rum, whiskey, gin, brandy, vodka and tequila.
I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "the Illuminaughty".
Saw a bird sh*t on my car, so I ate scrambled eggs on my front step, just to show him what I`m capable of.
There are so many things in life I still need to lick.
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you. But mine just points and laughs.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.