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I wish my kids came with a handbook.... Hardcover, preferably. So I have something to hit them with.
I can`t face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
Do not drink and drive.. because there are people out there who text and drive... and they will hit you and it will be your fault !!
The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let`s try to leave better kids for our planet.
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
I`ve just seen an advert in my local newspaper. ACCOUNTANT NEEDED! $35,000 - $40,000 So I called them up and said, "The answer is -$5,000."
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
I think it`s about time Taylor Swift wrote a song called "Maybe I`m the Problem"
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.
There are 15 year olds skating in the Olympics and I can’t even walk down my driveway in winter.
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
I swear July only lasted like 3 minutes
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.