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It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
Dating would be a lot easier if the opposite sex had a tail. That way, I could see if it was wagging or not after I did or said something.
I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
is having one of those days where they feels like lighting someones face on fire and then trying to put it out with a fork
My girlfriend told me I`m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman... What a joker!
You know that awkward moment when you thought someone`s talking to you so you reply to them , then they look at you weird .
The hardest part about having a vivid imagination is finding enough things to climb on to avoid all the frickin’ lava on the floor!
I wonder how many couples would still be together if they traded phones for a weekend
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
There`s nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads.
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man