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I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
A wise man, will often say nothing
I hate hanging out with MC Hammer, he never let`s me touch anything.
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of itself.
I don`t know what`s longer, a treadmill minute or a microwave minute.
Best thing to do when you`re stuck in a group text is to to throw your phone in the street and start a new life and maybe get some chipotle
I don’t have a problem with friends who ask to borrow money. I love a good laugh as much as the next guy.
You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?
I’m amazed by how quickly I forget what I’m doing.
Card on top of gift reads `I want you wearing this tonight` only to open the gift to find NOTHING
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here