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Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.
Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle.
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there`s a millionaire walking around that invented the pool noodle.
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
I saw this homeless guy talking to himself and I was like, "Who is he talking to?" then I thought "Who am I talking to?"
I just watched Back to the Future Part II and not once did I see a person walking around staring at their smartphone.
The biggest lie I tell myself is: “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
That moment when being uncool, is cool
I bet the women who only post about sex are probably some of the nicest men you’ll ever meet in person.
I don’t think my inner child is ever moving out.