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A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
Are you guys sure common sense can`t be beaten into people ? Because I`d like to give it try!
Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.
popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $1. watching ur kid bite into a caramel onion thinking its an apple: priceless.
Sometimes, when dealing with people, you can`t help but stop and think, "Yup, I`m about to get my first assault charge."
According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.