Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I bang my toe against something, it’s like I pressed a button that plays every curse word I know.
Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It`s not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
I woke up hungover to the sound of my neighbor mowing the lawn. I figure he`ll just have to mow around me. I`m not moving.
Remember kids, NEVER light fireworks. Let the adults, who have been drinking all day, light them instead!
I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I`m gone.
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of itself.
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
If your girlfriend has $15 and you have $30, your girlfriend actually has $45.
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
If it lasts 4 hours I`m not only callin a Dr, I`m callin everybody!!
Why eat a carrot when you can just as easily not eat a carrot?