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That mini heart attack you get when the parked car next to you moves and you think you’re moving.
When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
In-laws the reason why I`d never get married..
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
I hate it when Hippos fall on me when walking home from school... :D
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
It takes patience to listen, it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.” - Every time.
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.