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Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!
I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
Roses are red, so is my wine. Refill my glass and I`ll be just fine.
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
I am really glad the shutdown is over. I`ll tell you something, it was very lonely being the only nonessential employee who was working.
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.