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I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I`m 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.
Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
I feel like there should be more breakfast beers on the market.
I went to open a can of Whoop-Ass but it had a child-proof lid.
Ask me about my ability to annoy complete strangers.
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
Save water- shower with me!
One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I`m going to visit.
You`re about as deep as a kiddies splash-pool..
Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.