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Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
I heard Disney bought and are relocating the White House to Disneyland. They Say, it will be the new Center Piece of FANTASY LAND.
Who ever said technology will replace paper.....has obviously never tried wiping their a$$ with an IPAD.
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I`m available.
Dear naps, I`m sorry I was such a jerk to you as a kid.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I`ll read 4 or 5 status updates and I`ll cry, because I relieze how dysfunctional some of my friends life`s are. but then I`ll smile when I remember things like the leftover pizza from last night sitting on the coffee table!
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
Can I just drop it like it’s luke warm? It’s been a long day and I’m tired.
"I can`t wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver