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The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
Who needs a social life when you have Netflix and a fridge full of food?
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
You have advice? For me? I have a $5 Starbucks gift card that`s older than you.
That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you`re a guy.
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
I thought I was feeling a little bloated today, turns out I had my underwear on backwards.
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.
My favorite in-laws are the ones that don`t exist.