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I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or Iām about to be murdered.
I believe in love at first episode.
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
Has anyone seen where I put my organizational skills?
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
So I harvested my tomato today, it`s bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is the he says I`m healthy as a horse. The bad news is he uses large farm animals to
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.