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Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
GF - What`s that beeping? Me - Fasten Seatbelt Alarm. GF - How can you ignore something so annoying? Me - Huh?
Thanks to Netflix I can tell my doctor I`ve done a lot of "marathons"
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"
"Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper butt? - You`re wondering now!!!"
I test drove a car last month. Apparently, you`re not supposed to keep the car for a month. At least that what this cop is telling me.