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I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet ... I get hungry.
My favorite part of the day? The food part.
That`s not how I met your mother.
There were only 3 commandments until Moses’ wife got involved.
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald`s scare me.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
Can you do me a favour? Stand in front of my car, I need to test my brakes.
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart? hmm...
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
Don’t be scared of making changes. Be scared of living the same shitty life because you didn’t change. And spiders. Be scared of them too.
Don`t take nude pics. Problem solved.
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.