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Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
Im going to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people`s cars saying "sorry for the damage." Then watching the magic.
Aren`t you too fat to be this rude?
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
Rubix cubes are EASY....when you`re color blind.
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there`s something seriously wrong with Eeyore
I mean, I don`t even call it a hangover anymore. It`s just morning.
10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.