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Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
My mother suggested that I get professional help... and that`s when I hired my first hooker.
This is 2016. How come I can`t email someone a fart when I feel like it?
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
Want someone to stop texting you? Sleep with them.
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.
Help I`m covered in chameleons & no one believes me
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson