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My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.
You’re not an easy person to like….I like that about you.
I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.
If you get angry, just take deep breaths and count to ten. Unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
I’m pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
I hate when I get to the office and there isn’t a smoking crater where the building is.
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
I don`t feel like folding the laundry, so I just restart the dryer
Whenever somebody is murdered, the 1st person the police investigae is the spouse. That should tell you all you need to know about marriage.
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100