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They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.
Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.
Friends that are with you during your darkest times probably didn’t pay their electric bill either.