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Got caught up in a really good book last night. I didn`t stop coloring till 2 o`clock this morning.
There’s a limit of how close you should be to another man when taking a selfie.
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
Dear Fork, I understand that we haven`t spoken since I ran away with dish, but I thought you should know that you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair. Sincerely, Spoon
Next time you`re in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.
Do you think all the giraffes sit around and watch Margaret in Nebraska give birth?
Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!