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Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
How could a man who is covered in tattoos be afraid of commitment?
I`ve had frozen pizza and delivery pizza in the same day, b!tch you don`t know me.
Lord, if I can`t be skinny, make my friends look fat.
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
"5 React 2 Gum-- Experiences may vary. Stimulate your senses!"-- Same effect as LSD, but chewier.
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
I know they didn`t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.
The only thing I ever throwback on Thursdays are drinks
They don`t say "Get down Mr. President" anymore. Now they just shout, "Donald Duck!"
My “I hate you” face must look a lot like my “I’m loving this conversation” face.
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.
Thanks to the words “dude”, “bro”, and “man”, I haven’t said my best friends name in 10 years.