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Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.
A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
Non alcoholic beer is like a porn movie on the radio
The parent-teacher conference is going great. They have no idea I’m not the teacher.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a super-villain.
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
Am I supposed to bring condoms to a speed dating event? How fast do these things actually go?
I hope manners is the next cool trend.
I’m no Dr. Phil, but I bet if you tell at least 5 people to f*ck off today, you’ll feel better.
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
I hope this snowstorm doesn`t impact my schedule of aimlessly wasting my day online.....
LIKE if you check your phone to see what time it is and then check it again because the first time you weren’t paying attention.
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.