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You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you`ve never been married and you love spending time with him?
The filling in this fortune cookies tastes like paper...
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose vodka.
I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away.
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends` food looked like.
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
*Goes to the gym. Takes a selfie in front of the weights. Leaves.