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School is like an erection. It`s long and hard unless you`re Asian.
To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.
life is too short to think twice and act wise....
i hate it when other people hate the person i hate!!!
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.
Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It`s only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You`ll be just fine.
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
I`m fairly certain that kids only have ears for decorative purposes.
Oh, honey, you have gone beyond muffin top. That`s a busted can of biscuits!