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The meek shall inherit the earth. Probably because they`re the only ones who won`t complain about what we`ve done to it.
Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
Halloween always exposes my weakness for Milk Duds, I am powerless. Tomorrow I will attend MDA, Milk Duds Anonymous
The lack of a secret handshake makes me question the strength of our friendship.
Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
Nothing like working out to make you feel like you deserve that burger and fries.
I’m awkward when people compliment me. “Nice hair” “Thanks, I grew it myself”
Facebook: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk post the world?
No. My hair magically got shorter.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...