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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
The best things in life are free, but they still screw you on shipping.
If you´re a millionaire and you don´t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you´re wasting it.
From what I can gather, men hit their sexual peak around age 18. And women hit theirs as soon as the divorce is final.
I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money
is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
People who walk down the escalator. Stop it, we have enough over achievers!
My date just saved me tons of money by simply saying, "no, I don`t want to be your valentine and stop texting me!"
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.
Beer: The WD40 for conversations.
I just made my first snow angel!! ... Ok fine.. I got bored, got drunk and then passed out in the snow, whatever!
My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.