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What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That`s yours now."
Starbucks announced guns are no longer allowed in their stores. Seems crazy banks didn`t think of this.
A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder.
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
I`m not a mechanic so I don`t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
Why are Doctors so afraid of apples?
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
People who describe things as "better than sex" are obviously having the wrong kind of sex.
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.
One of the best ways to prepare for marriage is to wait 15 minutes in your car before going anywhere.
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.
Dear Lord, Thanks for making me funny. Especially since you didn`t give me much else to work with.