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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I`ve learned that I don`t need to use so many paper towels, and they`re expensive.
So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you`ll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich?
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
my Dr. says i have ADHD, i dont know how they see.... oooooh a squirrel!
"He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I`d totally hit that."
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
If Kanye didn`t sing "Gold Digger" while Kim walked down the aisle, I`m not interested in hearing anything about their wedding.
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
If ghosts existed, why are they all apparently from the last 100 years or so? Wouldn’t there be evidence of a Neanderthal ghost here and there?
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor`s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right