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Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
I`ve been knocking for ten minutes. Don`t people answer their bathroom windows anymore?
I didn’t sign up for the 401k at work, because there’s no way I can run that far.
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
I try to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
Rob Stalker for congressman........Stalker....a name you can trust.
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
If you don’t like my sense of humor please tell me… so I can laugh at you!
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.