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The difference between “like” “love” and “in love” is the same as the difference between “for now” “for a while” and “forever”
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
Today I met one of those people on the bus that gets all pissed off when you put your finger in their mouth when they yawn.
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world ... to get back from a woman
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
I hate when you tell someone you’re bored, and they suggest getting together. Then you have to explain that you’re not quite that bored.
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.
If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I`d go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.
Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.