Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I’m right.
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job there.
If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here
Aaron Hernandez`s next jersey is going to be a jailhouse jumpsuit!