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Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
Learn cursive, they said. You`ll need it your whole life, they said.
Royal baby was born at 8 pounds. Thats like 12 dollars.
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
since when was it cool to have an iPhone at the age of 10.. i sincerely hope those parents know what they`ve done.
? Single ? Taken ? Depends on who`s asking.
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.
Clearly if you have to blame yourself, you`re not hanging out with enough people.