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I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
You`d think this moron wandering around the lot would give up after 10 minutes and push the alarm button to find their car ... But I won`t
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an I-pad
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I`m too poor to pay for studio time
I super glue one jar of pickles shut and leave it out at the barbecue then watch the humiliation unfold.
Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?