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True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
Marriage counseling - because sometimes your spouse needs to hear from a professional that they are being an a$$
I wasn`t going to get so many groceries, but there was a new girl working today and she took my check.
That moment when you have so many things to do...So you decide to take a nap instead!
It`s really cold out there folks. If you`re heading to Wal-Mart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
Im still waiting for Anheuser-Bush to name a beer "responsibly" so i can drink it!
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.